Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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