you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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