So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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