four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
