I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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