I didn't shave. On purpose
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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