Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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