it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
