bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
