life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My Sexting was not on an AP level
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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