I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
