They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
