The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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