Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
