I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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