i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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