I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you had me at cake vodka
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
