I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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