yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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