O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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