CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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