I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
