Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This baby is an asshole
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
