Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
