Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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