I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
