Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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