If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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