Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
