his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
