haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
