So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize