some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
