Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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