How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
