Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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