Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize