I just saw a hot homeless man
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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