I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
