What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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