I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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