you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize