I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
