I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
