Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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