How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
