wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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