What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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