And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
