Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
