Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
