you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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