There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think people are normalizing furries
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
