i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
