It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
