I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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