Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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