felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
