FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
