I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
