he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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