this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
