I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
