apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you didnt know i had herpes?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
