Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
