Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Randomize
