So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
