your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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