I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize