you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
