I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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