so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
