they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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