..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
