literally had 100 drinks last night.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
