So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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