I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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