I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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