moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
