You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
