Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
