Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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