I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i dont even know how to be here
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
