I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
