Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
