i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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