Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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