It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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