Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
