so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
