I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
